Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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