halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
