He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
