Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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