I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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