If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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