just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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