Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
