People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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