I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
