don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
