What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
