i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
