yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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