And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
