Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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