you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
