the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
