first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i love accidental penises.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
