It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
