that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
