Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
