we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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