So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
