I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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