remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
