You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
