My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
