I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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