So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
