i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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