Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
