3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
