I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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