Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
wow bdsm is so cute
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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