Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
