May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
