Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
