Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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