why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
