I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
