I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
