I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
