we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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