cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
