So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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