If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
