I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
