I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
