My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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