u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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