i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
