it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
