You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
