I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
