I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
