my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
