It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
