You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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