My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
