he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
