shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
