She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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