I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
