I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize