that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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