I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
