i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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