So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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