Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
