This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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