"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
