It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
