I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
