My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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