did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
