Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
