fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
