my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
