Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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