I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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