on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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