my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
