something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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