How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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