Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
